23 June 2011


I'm not sure how I found myself at a sex party either, but believe me it wasn't the intention at the beginning of the night. I'm only telling you this story because I went to a Fortune Teller/Thieving Pikey and she told me I would go to America and meet the man I would marry. Specific!

So, it just so happened I was in San Francisco for a couple of weeks and I found myself chasing one particular Saturday night with some friends. We turned into this beautiful street with pastel coloured houses like the ones out of the opening credits of Full House. I know! Anyway, there were these guys hanging out the window of one of the houses, beckoning us to come and join the party. How generous, we all remarked. Well, we entered the front room and it soon became apparent this was no ordinary "kegger". Everyone, barring a couple of revelers, was bottomless. Oh yes, dicks akimbo. Dancing around the front room to of all things, a remix of Leona Lewis, Bleeding in Love.

So not Full House.

By this time we had all been handed free beers and not being ones to look gift horses in the mouth (or the cock) we dissipated and started chatting to the party goers. I introduced myself to a guy (with pants on, I might add) and what do you know, he was Australian! Well I'll be. What are the chances that I would be walking down a street in San Francisco, past a random house party, that turned out to be a random sex party and the first person I start chatting to is Australian. The cards must be right!

Ok, vital statistics: lived in SF for business, owns own apartment in Rusian Hill (which is supposed to mean something), 38 and totally sexy daddy in an Anthony Lapaglia kind of way. Sounds too perfect to be at a sex party...

So after a few getting-to-know-you pashes, my Aussie and I headed back to his apartment. We're on the couch getting further aquainted and, well, there's no nice way of saying this, he was raping my face with his giant penis. He had his cock so far down my throat, I thought I was going to vomit and then drown in it. And he was sitting on my chest, pinning my shoulders to the couch, effectively cutting off my air supply. Oh yeah, it was a beautiful moment between myself and my future husband. As my life was flashing before my eyes, I thought, now I know why such a perfect guy found himself at a sex party.

Then he open hand slapped me in the side of the head.

The Fortune Teller/Thieving Pikey also told me I would win Euromillions with the numbers 5, 15, 20, 26, 28 with star numbers 4 and 8.

I'm still playing.

1 comment:

  1. I feel bad that your pain and sad tales of repeated encounters with Mr Wrongs makes be laugh so hard... I'm laughing with you and not at you... I promise...


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