30 July 2011

TALKING DIRTY WITH ZE GERMAN

So the last time I saw Ze German I made a big mistake: I arranged to meet him at a venue where the emphasis would not be on his giant penis but more on his conversation skills. You may also remember from previous entries that having a conversation with him was like having a masterclass with Marcel Marceau. And from the little that I did understand, sooooooo boring. It made me realise that no matter how great the sex, it doesn't necessarily translate or need to translate into anything else. I don't really want to be friends with him, I don't wanna go on drinks/dinner dates, meeting my/his friends - I just want to roll the tarpaulin, that is his foreskin back and go to town on his knob. Capiche?

So to emphasise this, I tried to talk dirty with him in the form of Sexting. Now, I am the first to admit, I am not a great lyricists when it comes to the dirty talk, in fact, I would call it dirty puns, which although witty, kind of takes the edge off the sexiness when you have to think about how clever it was. Throw in the fact that the recipient's first language is not English and below, is my disastrous effort:

Ze German Hey there, I am in London again. Leaving on Monday next week. So hopefully I see you once or twice till then.

Me Why don't you bring that gorgeous cock over here so I can suck it on Friday night?

Ze German Sorry I would love to but I am seeing a play with a German friend. I could tomorrow or Sunday?

Me You're not allowed to blow me off before I blow you - my offer will still be good after the theatre.


Ze German What does this mean?


Me Come over after the theatre and we can see what else we can make cum over me.

I know.

I'm not sure whether he understands the subtle misspelling of "come" to mean ejaculation, but my guess is, he does not as there has been complete radio silence for a few days now.

Guess he's not up to that module in his English lessons yet.

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