12 GAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Heading home to a hot bed of heterosexuality, religious overtones and carbs this festive season? Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle, just follow my easy step by step guide to turn yuletide jeer into yuletide cheer in no time! I'll be posting one every day leading up to Christmas, so don't fret pet, help is at hand:


TIP #1 DROP SOME COIN
What’s the point of having a disposable income if you can’t buy the families affection at Christmas? They’ll be so bamboozled, they’ll forget about damning you to hell for eternity.

RECOMMENDATION: rent a convertible and drive up with the roof down and the back seat stacked with presents like a BMW sleigh.

BONUS ROUND: get the kids to refer to you as the “Gay Santa”.