24 December 2011

THE RABBIT

Right, let's get straight to it.

I had arrived late to my friend Richie's Halloween party, when I spied a handsome chap dressed as a Rabbit covered in blood eyeing me near the kitchenette. Not sure of the costume back story, but we will refer to him as The Rabbit. As we eventually gravitated toward each other, I prepared a line of questioning: who do you know? What do you do? Why are you dressed like a bloodied rabbit?

What transpired was a touch different.

"Hi, how are you?" bold but I felt we were ready for it.
"Good, how are you?"
"Good. I'm Laurence"
"Hi Laurence, apparently I have a really big dick"

And you're back in the room.

I replied, "Well apparently I have a gaping hole."

I didn't actually say that. I just stood there and said "I know Richie."

Totes WTF? Is he in some sort of program? Has he ripped so many assholes that he has to announce his endowment to prospective sex partners so they are aware they could be fucked in half if he is given half a chance?

I had to get a drink and calm myself down.

So, after we got past the initial hoopla surrounding his girth, he was actually a really boring person and just a little bit weird - no wonder he lead with his strongest feature. Still didn't stop me from wanting him to unleash his beast in my presence, so I totes pashed him - if anything just to shut him up. Then he did something that I will never forget in all my days.

He dry humped my leg...like a rabbit...from a standing start...like POW POW POW POW POW.

I honestly thought he was keeping in theme with the costume, but it became quite apparent, this was part of his gentle art of seduction. Even on the street, The Rabbit, dry humped my leg, like a fucking horny rabbit!

I finally got him home and well, he was totes not wrong. It was huge. I thought, if your dry humping is a prelude to what's in store, that blood on your rabbit costume won't be fake.

So, I gave him a BJ. He was circumcised as well, which literally meant it went for hours.

My jaw still clicks.

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