16 January 2012

VERY PUBLIC TRANSPORT

Ok, now...I have never really been a sex in public kinda gay.

I don't think it is too much to ask for a bed? Maybe the shower. No actually, strike that, just the bed - I don't wanna interrupt my blowing-my-nose-on-my-hand time.

Basically, lets keep the lovin' on a comfortable surface and privy to only us.

However.

I was out gallivanting around East London when I met a nice American we shall call The Josh Lucas because he totes looked like him. I know, he is smoking. And incidentally, he smoked. What a coincidence. But what a dreamboat: those blue eyes and that down-home Southern accent. Ugh, he could shit on my chest.

So, The Josh Lucas decided he wanted home ground advantage due to an early morning. His chariot of choice: the bus. I know, so sexy, I'm gonna take you places...just as long as you've got your Oyster Card. Today Tooting Bec. Tomorrow the woooooooorld.

Deep into the journey, it dawned on me that we were the only ones on the 2nd level of this Double Decker Bus. We were getting intimate and I thought, "Yeah fuck it, let's take it out of the bedroom, I am gonna suck it right here, right now." I have to say not a lot of thought went into this - like what about CCTV? What if someone came upstairs? What if he had a small cock?

That would be an awkward end to the journey.

So, I threw caution to the wind and went down like the Poseidon.

As I was just getting into my stride, he slapped me on the side of my head and yelled "STOP!" I thought, I know I'm drunk, but I really can't be that bad.

He quickly zipped himself up and said, "Oh my God I am so embarrassed".

I sat up and looked around expecting to see a middle aged ticket inspector undoing his pants.

"What do you mean?"

"We have to get off this bus!"

Then our bus lurched forward to reveal another packed Double Decker Bus that had just slowly driven past.

And this is why I love London: people were not fussed - some were clapping; some were laughing; others tipped their collective hat. I stood up and waved to my adoring audience. I thought, this is where I belong.

The Josh Lucas grabbed me by the arm and dragged me off the bus.

Finally, somebody decided to spring for a cab.

P.S. he looked nothing like Josh Lucas in the morning.

2 comments:

  1. So are we talking he went from Josh Lucas to George Lucas in the morning?? Bears are so HOT!
    It's great to hear that you're still performing, even if it is just giving head on a double decker you can still draw a crowd! xox

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