14 February 2012

HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY

I want to pretend that I don't care that another Valentines Day will pass by sans BF.

I want to pretend that every time I see a courier delivering flowers, a little bit of pee doesn't dribble down my leg. 

I want to pretend that those plastic cylinders with a stuffed bear and a heart shaped balloon that succinctly says, I Wuv U, isn't the only thing I am thinking of the whole day.

I want to *pretend* but I am just plain angry now.

Who fucking celebrates this day anyway? Unless this is your first Valentines Day in a new relationship or you are a complete fucktard, no one observes the day of St. Valentine.

And who is this St. Valentine character anyway? Did you know he was a Catholic priest? Well enough said! The Catholic priests are clearly aficionados. Let's all plumb their extensive wealth of experience in love and relationships.

It's right up there with getting sex education from a nun. Believe me, I've been there. Once you have had a woman who has never touched a penis lecture you about "intercourse", it kind of takes the shine off the religion.

Did you also know that St. Valentine was executed on this day? I *hope* the executioner was single. I think Oprah would call that a "full circle moment".

So, I will not be celebrating today - I think I'll start my own new Valentine tradition: executing an effigy of St. Valentine. 

And a bottle of wine.

Not in that order.

Be strong people.

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