2 February 2012


There's always an awkward moment in any new relationship when you queen out in front of your prospective new love for the first time.

Mine came straight out of the gate with The Pilot when All Fired Up by The Saturdays was mixed in by the DJ.

I'm sorry, all jokes aside, that is a fucking shit-hot song.

So, as I ran - we were actually mid kiss - arms flailing, disappearing onto the smoke filled dancefloor screaming, "Oh my god I love this song!" I wondered whether I was revealing too much gay, too soon.

I say this because years ago I was set up with a guy whose reason for not wanting to continue dating me was because I was "really gay". I know, like, do you have a sliding scale of how gay someone can be in accordance to your own gayness?

He was clearly a bottom.

Granted I was wearing a pair of diamanté girls jeans and wedged heeled thongs (actual outfit) with shoulder length hair that had been tonged to within an inch of it's life.

But that's beside the point.

When did being really gay become such a low light amongst the gay community? Are we just as homophobic ourselves as those assholes we somehow managed to escape in the playground? I don't wanna get philosophical, but the last time I checked, getting fucked in half via the anus is usually deemed "really gay".

Ok, ok, I agree, there are many sexual attraction variables to take into consideration, like diamanté jeans not being everyone's cup of chai, but I wonder if we are all just dumbing down how gay we actually are just in case we are ever branded "really gay" and therefore undesirable.

I can't say I am any better: the jeans are low slung and no longer bedazzled (sad face). The wedged thongs are now biker boots. The hair is short and the stubble is designer. I am the butchest I have ever looked - granted my version of butch falls a lot further to the left than most - but in comparison to what I used to be, I'm Jason Bourne.

Look, I am not sure whether The Pilot cared - he still seems to be somewhat into me - my point is why did I care so much? Because, if I am completely honest, the guy who runs screaming onto a dry ice filled dancefloor *squealing* how much they love a song, is kinda who I am. And the rest is some sort of impostor trying to be a toned down, homogenised version of myself.

Like, totes whatevs.

So, I am gonna try and be myself from now on and see where that gets me.

I just hope they don't play any more catchy pop tunes when I'm in the vicinity - espesh anything by Dannii Minogue circa 2003 - that's when I really lose my shit.


  1. You can always totes Gay It Up with me dear. <3 <3

    *Cue 'Sister Act 2 Medley' onstage in The Brewers, circa 3am*

  2. loz i'm trying REALLY hard to concentrate on you totes amaaz blog, but all i can see are these mature dating uk adverts that keep pooping up all over the place! obviously whoever is compiling these piles of data on our online selves isn't doing their homework...

    1. Oh my god I keep getting those too! There is one with a woman that looks like she used the bottom of coke bottles for glasses. Thank you Google, I am now disgusted and insulted.

  3. Hahaha. I love it. My flame dims a bit when I'm with my man, but it burns brigher than ever when Madonna comes on in the restaurant we're at, or when a Desperate Housewives commercial comes on TV. It's who I am, and though it sometimes still comes as a shock to my butch boyfriend of 4 years, he accepts it.

    You'd never be happy if you have to blow out your flame (no pun intended with the "blowing") every time you're with him.

  4. Holy jizz, Madonna came into the restaurant you were at?? I would break up with someone there and then if they had an ish with my *squeals*


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