10 July 2012


Have you ever thought you were becoming a dirty old perv? Or worse, could be a dirty old perv?

I am only saying this because I am turning 30ish next month and someone said to to me today that I was 'such a dirty perv'. I realised due to the proximity of my birthday and the fact that I was perving on a 23 year old guy, she could soon add 'old' to 'dirty perv'.

My own preconceptions about about age quickly bubbled to the surface.

You know when you hear a Centenarian say they feel like they're 22 even though they resemble a Tortoise without it's shell? Well that's how I feel. I feel like the exterior gay is starting to differ from my interior gay. At an alarming rate. 

To that hot 23 year old gay guy, I might as well be a gay Centenarian Tortoise without it's shell. 

Bear with.

In a youth obsessed culture, the gays take the youth obsession to dizzying heights. I know gays getting or considering botox in their late 20s. 40 is not the new 30. Not unless you have your own personal surgeon. 

Yeah, you, me and Sarah Jessica Parker. 

Now 40 is the new 80. And unless you are a Daddy or fit into some other desirable over-the-age-of-35-gay-sub-culture or you are married, you're fucked.

Disclaimer: this is of course one fags completely superficial and vacuous observation on ageing. Nothing like the gay community at all.

And I'm a fucking unicorn.

Look, what I am trying to say is this, if you are checking out someone, subconsciously you think you may have a chance with them, right? Maybe not, but I do. I usually think, I'm on for the reciprocal look back. Granted the 23 year old didn't look back, but if he did, I would think we were on a level playing field because I am that Centenarian who thinks they are still 22. When in reality, there are crows feet on my face that look like there could be crows attached to them.

And now, I feel like I am on the cusp of making an awkward transition from being a younger gay into an older gay.

From a, for want of a better word, Twink into a what..? 

A Daddy? 

A Twaddy?
Fuck, I better get back to the gym.


  1. well at 32 nearing 33 there is absolutely NO hope for me then!

  2. I hear that my friend! Wait till you're 36 and checking out Tom Daley.


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