31 January 2013


So, I was out the other night and I met a guy we shall refer to as Three Ball because, well, that will become apparent later.

Tall and English. He fit the bill for right there and then, so I dragged him home for a night of Loz Love.

As we started to disrobe he baulked at the removal of underwear and asked if we could just "snuggle" in lieu of sexual seduction because he wanted to go on a romantic date before we sighted each others genitalia.

*red flag*

Well, I was chomping at the bit and the bit that I wanted to be chomping on was his cock.

He also let slip that I wasn't ready for what he had to offer, which in hindsight I think, was the reason why he put a stop to sexy time. I was intrigued though, like a bull would be intrigued at that red flag and soon enough, I found myself in the general groin vicinity.

BTW I'll be the judge of what my anus borealis can take and what it cannot thanks.

I have to say, there was some serious swelling in those jocks.

Sometimes I think the anticipation of something is often better than the actual event: I was in a bar once in the late 90s and there was a male stripper twirling around the stage to B*Witched C'est la vie. He was so sexy and had a sizeable package. I had never seen a strip show before and I wondered whether he would go all the way as I sucked on my Lemon Ruski. Well, he cock teased that bar into a collective erection. We were all about to jizz in our jeans when he dropped trou to reveal the sizeable bulge was mostly ball and his cock was swimming in scrotum. A patron yelled, "Too small!" And as the music faded he gathered his clothes in an unceremonious limp off stage covering his un-dowment. I can only think that the choice of song was a cruel reality he had finally given in to. I felt so sorry for him. I just wish he left us wanting to see it, instead of recoiling after seeing it.

So faced with Three Ball's bulging bulge I put the unfortunate stripper out of my mind and slipped back the elastic on his underpants to be faced with one of the most rotund penises I have ever seen. He was not mostly ball, he was mostly penis in the shape of a large fleshy ball. With his two other balls dangling from beneath.

I felt like I was on the pink in a rude game of snooker.

There is always an awkward moment when you are faced with a penis you don't want to put anywhere near your mouth - for whatever reason. It's a tricky situation to navigate because you've already made a fuss about the long trek down to the area - you've got to at least make a show of it. But how to do it that not only satisfies the recipient, but saves you from the cheeseboard or in this case jaw dislocation.

So I gave him a handy (which was more like shining a cricket ball) and kissed it on the side a couple of times. (Blow) job done.

He then told me he was going to fuck me until I bled. Was that before or after our romantic date?

I told him maybe after. And only if he referred to me as the corner pocket.

Surprisingly we never made it to that date. I decided the anticipation of getting fucked until I bled was far greater than the actual event.

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