11 March 2014

FAT CHANCE

So I had date number 2 from the unspoken dating website on the weekend.

Again I wasn't super excited, but giving it a go as my fellow dating website alumni don't necessarily feel that paying a monthly fee to a dating website means that actually going on a date is a requisite.

So I met the said suitor on a stunning spring day at a newly refurbished pub that lurked behind it's Tudor font. We had grand plans to go for a walk through the village-y atmosphere of the surrounding area, but soon found ourselves forgoing all forms of physical exercise for pints in the sun.

He was a nice guy. Worked in TV. Made a decent living. Had just moved to Putney and was enjoying the proximity to London, but not the yummy mummy interlopers. He was very funny and made me laugh out load all afternoon. I made him laugh out load all afternoon. We had so much in common. He was into the same cinema. He was going to the same festivals. He was endearing. He was attentive. He was masculine. He was gentlemanly.

He was fat.

I tried so hard to look past it - figuratively and literally, but the fact of the matter was he was a fat fuck.  

I know this makes me an awful person, but there are some things that I cannot abide by when choosing a potential new boyfriend and this is a big one.

But he was sooooo nice.

I once thought I was a chubby chaser when I went out one night and pulled a really fat guy. Turns out I was just so drunk that I couldn't tell he was that fat until I went to the bar to buy he and I a drink and turned back to see a really overweight guy waving at me. I thought who the fuck is that? And then walked the other way.

My WBF (work best friend) asked if he lost weight, would he be attractive? Well yeah maybe, but at what point during the courting process do I suggest he go on a diet?

Look, I love it when people say in their dating profile that looks don't matter..."as long as they have a sense of humour and are honest - that's all I care about." Cut the bullshit people. Stop pretending that in our youth obsessed, image conscious world that looks don't matter because they fucking do! I can't walk down the street with this guy. We'll look so lopsided. Like at any moment I'm going to go flying in the air because we have stepped on a loose bit of pavement at the same time.  

This may be the most vapid and fickle post I have ever written, but at least I'm honest.

To you. Not him. I'll just ask him if can we be friends.

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