26 January 2015

BUMP N' GRINDR

I have to say, I'm loving the weirdness of Grindr right now. It seems my profile is attracting attention for all the wrong reasons.

These are legit messages I have received this month.


I actually really love massages, but not one that ends in me being cut into chunks and dissolved in acid. 

#unhappyending


Is it a speaking role? Because I'm going to need to see a script before I agree to anything. Wow. I'm quite sure I'm not the only Grindr user to receive this message, but I guess my new year, new you diet is really working. It's kind of flattering? I did ask how much I was worth, to which he blocked me. 

I love how I offended his strict moral code.

#potkettle


What is it with me and creepy masseuses? This guy was actually the most disappointing of all. He messaged me when I was on a 2 day break in the country. I thought Oily Hands meant he had been fixing his tractor or something farmy like that. Surely? I had visions of me pulling on a pair of Hunter wellies and joining him in the stables for good mucking out. But alas, Oily Hands' oily hands gave me the creeps. He kind of had me at 'love massage' because as you know, I love massage, but the 'and all things sensual' made my penis invert.

#getmucked

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