7 January 2015

COOP OUT

So, The Anderson Cooper and I have finished. I'll admit, I'm kind of glad to be rid of him.

We went on a few more dates/had several sleepovers and while he was attentive and charming when I was with him, he was very distant and difficult to contact when we were not.

Yeah, heard that before. Texts went unanswered for days. Non-committal responses regarding future dates. The works. And his Grindr account was still active everyday, which led me to believe he also was. Mind you, so was mine, but that was only to see if he was active.

Pfft. Whatever. Not that I was expecting a proposal, but just answer my fucking text!

Finally I texted him and said: Look you and I are way too old for this shit. Just tell me that you're not interested and I will stop bothering you.

He finally texted me this: Hey, I am interested in you, but I've actually been seeing someone else and it just got serious which is why I haven't been in touch. You are a really great guy and I'm sorry if I have disappointed you. 

Well that would have to be the shittiest excuse I have ever heard. Mainly because I have used that very same excuse before myself. I dated this guy a few years ago I referred to as the Peachy Keen Bean Guy. It was pretty clear that he was into me after we first met because he phoned three times the next day to see "how I was". Which is just what every gay wants the day after they meet someone. I agreed to go on a date, against my better judgement, and as I waited outside the restaurant he texted me and told me how nervous he was. Another thing every gay wants to hear before the first date.

The weirdest thing was, he was standing across the road watching me when he sent it!

He refused to believe me when I said that I was seeing someone else and just kept on texting me. Eventually he stopped, but every now and then I see him at the bar we met at and we say our polite hellos. Sometimes he has a boyfriend, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he catches my eye in an awkward dance floor serenade. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until a 6'4" muscle bound black man mouths the lyrics to Better the Devil You Know across a crowded room to you.

I digress.

So, that was that with The Anderson Cooper. Now that he is no longer in the room, I can tell you that the sex was not great. I only came twice in four attempts and he didn't cum at all. He just seemed to get tired and want to go to sleep. How hard can it be to lay back and get a blowjob? Maybe I just don't give a good blowjob? I do have to say, I have recently noticed that I am thinning on the top of my head and it really has affected my oral performance. Basically, I now have to give an awkward sidejob to avoid any chance of my suitor catching sight of my burgeoning bald spot.

#sidejob

This was really hard with Coopie because his dick was wider on the side than it was on the front. I nearly dislocated my jaw like a snake swallowing that thing. I'm sure he wondered what I was doing blowing him at a 90 degree angle and kept refusing a 69er. BTW, I really hate 69ers because invariably I end up on the bottom getting fucked in the face.

That's probably why he ended it.

Perhaps I'll get a weave.

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